Playing House
by msmarycrawley
Summary: "There is never a time or place for true love. It happens accidentally, in a heartbeat, in a single flashing, throbbing moment." The story of Sawyer and Juliet's journey together, told chronologically.
1. After

***Juliet voice* Hey there. **

**I've been kind of on a writing sporadical for the better part of a year, just having all of these story ideas rattle around in my head and having no motivation to get started on them. So i'm glad to finally be getting out of the worst of it and begin writing again! **

**After watching Lost this summer, I became inspired. There are very few love stories that have sticked with me quite like Sawyer and Juliet's, and with them having so little scenes on the show as a couple, my mind goes to creating some of my own. I hope you like what I've come up with!**

The last thing to come back to him was sleeping in a normal sized bed, getting used to waking up alone without her curled up next to him. He used to sleep in different hotels and motels for so long it became a fixture to be in a new environment by the next day. It didn't really get hard until a couple of months after he left the island, when he realized this was his life now and he couldn't keep drifting in the hopes of being saved. Sawyer had to find a reason to go on.

Adjusting to a new routine somewhat resembling normalcy wasn't what was difficult, although it took time. It was accepting that she was gone and never coming back that was the worst. He thought about her all the time. How ideally he'd be hearing her voice calling him "James" from the next room over because they were late to some Dharma meeting thing, and didn't he want to get there sooner so they could leave quicker? And what did he want for dinner when they got back?

The guilt never really went away. It was his persuasion that initially kept her on the island in the first place, and so she stayed. If wasn't for him she'd be alive.

He went through the motions because he knew he couldn't simply cease to exist, no matter how much he might want to. _That's not what she would have wanted, _was what he kept hearing himself, Kate, and probably every grief counselor on the planet say. But he didn't feel worthy of happiness, he almost didn't want it. Not without her by his side, his happiness. Honoring her memory was what got him through that first year, he spent months trying to track down her sister Rachel. Turns out there are hundreds of women with the same name who lived in Miami, Florida. He told her in the best way that he could what had happened to her sister, and although he left out any unnecessary information, it was the hardest thing he'd ever had to do in his life. Still, he'd never forget the look on her face when he asked if she had any sort of relation to a woman who disappeared years ago, a woman named Juliet Burke.

Amazingly, she believed and fully accepted his story with very little proof, although when he mentioned the name Richard Alpert fishing for any sort of connection, her eyes widened and she keeled over in shock. They never stopped looking and they never had a funeral. She kept telling him over and over how grateful she was to him to have even known her, known of her existence. Because although Rachel had never stopped looking, it had been six years of not knowing if her sister was even alive.

After that, everything else seemed almost like light work. He found Clementine and Cassidy Phillips, who at first wanted nothing to do with the man who refused to accept his daughter, but gave in when she saw the look on Sawyer's face when he saw a recent picture of their child. She had gotten married, which was good, because Clementine needed a father figure who would always be there for her. He saw them every few Christmases or so, but it got difficult to explain just how he knew her mother as Clementine grew older, Cassidy was insistent Sawyer keep his distance until she ever found it necessary to reveal to their daughter exactly who he was.

Eventually Sawyer met Julian too, and he kept in contact with him and Rachel on occasion. Kate would call or they would meet up someplace whenever it was convenient for the both of them, but she was doing pretty much the exact same thing he was. Scraping by, living in fragments of a life she once had. He still cared about her, but not in the same way as he used to. Nothing was ever the same.

Time went on and Sawyer moved with it. Yet even years later, (though how many had passed since the incident he couldn't tell) during quiet moments he'd think about her and remember how it felt to have her legs wrapped around his, the sound of her laugh, the way her hair moved in the wind and how her eyes looked in sunshine. He'd think about how her lips and skin tasted and he'd miss her calling him James, and how he never had a care in the world because as long as he had her and she had him, everything was right.

He read all of her most treasured books multiple times, knew all of her favorite songs, how she liked her pancakes, everything stayed with him. He saw her in the sky on a sunny day, in the first flower of spring, or in Julian when he smiled.

She existed only in memory now, there were no pictures, nothing to prove the time he and Juliet shared together. Just three years, and she remained in his soul forever.


	2. Two Weeks

_January 1974_

It was unusually silent on the island. The sun was just about to set and there was little to no waves on the horizon. Not even on the beach was there wind, yet Sawyer could still hear the leaves of the palm tree rustle above him as he sat against its bark. The sound was both unsettling and comforting to him as he thought.

Juliet could leave tomorrow and it would be done.

He'd never been nervous to talk to a woman before in his life, not until this. He almost didn't believe it had been two weeks, hell- it seemed like just yesterday Goodspeed was telling them he could stay and look for the "crew". Nevertheless Sawyer knew this moment would come and he'd have to deal with it.

The way he saw it there were really three probable outcomes and only one worked out in his favor. One: he could let Juliet go. This was the easiest and the one he least wanted to let happen. Two: he could make her stay by telling her how he felt and hopefully she felt the same. Three: She would stay because she felt sorry for him. She wouldn't give any indications but he'd be able to tell eventually. He didn't want that.

He talked to her a lot within the first week, when they pretended to be out looking for their supposed shipmates and when they had meals. He just couldn't figure her out. She wasn't exactly cold but definitely not the most friendly person he'd ever met. She was nice when she wanted to be nice, and it wasn't a question of when but rather why. He never knew when or if she'd start talking to him, some days she started a conversation and others she just reacted to his quips. Although he could tell they did have the same dry, somewhat tasteless sense of humor because she smiled when he said something particularly idiotic- and he rarely saw her smile.

Sawyer wasn't used to being thrown for a loop by a woman, not knowing where he stood, and it drew him to her even more despite his frustration. He went back and forth between giving it up or keeping it going. Whatever "it" was. The fact that she was one of the most stunning individuals he'd ever come across didn't exactly drive him away either. Her voice was nice, too. So were her eyes.

He slowly stood up and walked in the direction of the beach. After the first week she started coming up to him on her own and remembering things he had said to her before, the corners of her lips turning up a little bit as he mentioned them again. That made him think she liked him, but the question was how much? And in what way? (And for himself, how did he like her? What did he really want?) Those were questions Sawyer felt uncomfortable not knowing, what made him hesitate to ask her to stay. In order to have a good plan he needed to be sure it would turn out in his favor.

The trouble was that he _liked_ her. More things were at stake here than he anticipated. He liked her on the docks too, but he didn't know her as anyone other than the severe blond woman who'd shoot a man if she had to, and run back in the direction of flaming arrows to save someone beyond saving. Sure she was alluring and undoubtedly evasive but after spending 14 days with her he could tell there was more than what met the eye. He wouldn't be able to get over it if Juliet left the island as mysterious as she appeared to be to him now. And he'd miss talking to her too, even if they never really got anywhere.

As he got closer and closer to the beach, Sawyer picked up a rock in the sand and tossed it from one hand to the other. Not even once had he heard Juliet mention anything about leaving, not since that night. Maybe she thought the less she spoke about it with him the easier it would be. But she still spoke to him. He reached the water's edge, wound up his arm and pitched the rock as far as he could throw.

"Not bad," a familiar voice behind him called just loud enough to be heard over the rising waves. Sawyer turned around slowly, his mind working a mile a minute. _The tide's going in. How long had she been on the beach? Had she seen him?_ "Thanks," he smirked. There she stood at the edge of the last bit of dry sand, just high enough so that the waves couldn't reach her. Her arms were folded and she tilted her head to squint at him. "I'd go down there and throw one myself, but I don't feel like it. Wouldn't want to embarrass you." Sawyer chuckled and started to make his way towards her while Juliet stood and watched, her hair starting to move in the gentle breeze. He had no time to think, only to react. For once in his life he didn't have a course of action.

"I told Horace you were sick," she glanced at him as they both walked along the beach. "Where were you today?" Normally Sawyer would complain about how hot the dry sand was but now he barely felt it. "Sick. Like you said." Juliet shook her head and brushed a stray strand of hair from her eyes. "Hmm." she seemed amused by something, but of what he had no idea. "You know, if anyone should be using up their sick days on this island it's me, but you don't see me complaining." She looked up at the sky and slowed her pace. Now he knew where this was going. Sawyer stopped to face her. "What, you comin' down with something there blondie?" That made her smile, which made what he said next slightly easier to get out. "Cuz you know i'd hate to have to see you have to go back home for meds. Especially when this island has SO much to offer." There was a slight pause, and he saw the crinkles at the ends of her eyes go back to normal, her mouth lose its curve. She looked so somber all of a sudden he felt his stomach drop. They stood there motionless facing each other as the breeze rustling trees around them. _Well, fuck._ He could see her start to tear up and she tried to turn away from him before he closed the gap between them.

Juliet looked at the ground and then up at him. She searched his eyes and he saw her anguish. "James, I can't." Her voice lost its familiar icy tone, its contained up and down emphasis. She said it so softly he barely heard it. And he was right there. All he kept thinking about is that he'd never been this close to her, she hadn't let him get too close but he was right there. Right there for her. And whatever it was she wanted so badly he wanted-no, he _needed_ to get it for her. Or whatever it was that she had back there, he wanted to make sure she got everything but not without him. All of a sudden he couldn't bear to see that beautiful soul so tortured, all of a sudden the time and work he spent trying to convey a sense of detachment from other people on that damn island and in his life, it went away right there. "Hey, hey hey," he realized he hadn't yet replied so he took his hand from her arm and very lightly lifted her chin up with one finger. Here she gazed at him with a look of-he didn't know how she was looking at him but she wasn't crying anymore and she let him get closer. As much as he wanted to he didn't kiss her and instead moved her hand away from her chest where she was shielding it and into the gentle grasp of his own. She felt so soft and fragile.

He looked into her eyes, and he said the phrase that they had spoken, the words in the future he'd never forget, that haunted his dreams and memories. "I got your back, remember?" And then Juliet started crying, but this time it wasn't because she was sad. She nodded slowly and slid her hand out from under his to reach around and touch it to the back of his neck and hold him to her. She quickly did the same with her other hand and moved closer to him. He didn't move one bit, he didn't even know if he was able to. Then Juliet slowly, very slowly, touched her forehead to his. "Always."


	3. Namaste

After she stayed, Juliet wanted things to go back to what they were before. She was relieved that James followed her a step behind and they picked up their rhythm again. They were friends and she was content with that. She was glad to have somebody on the island she could talk to about everything, and she knew he was too. But she didn't let him too close. She didn't show him her vulnerable side after that day- at least not intentionally- and she was always careful of physical contact. Right now, she knew that was best for her, and James seemed all too happy to go along and respect her wishes.

There were moments, though. Nothing in particular- at least at first- but there were moments when they felt each other getting closer, and she knew it. Moments that made her forget the hell she was living in. She didn't want to let herself enjoy them, but she did, and they started almost the second they made their hippy pledges for life (or rescue).

Most of the houses in the Dharma Initiative were still under construction, so Jin, Miles, James and herself all had to live together in a smaller unit while they waited for Locke to come back. Although she supposed Goodspeed was being generous since they had so reluctantly joined and accepted jobs within the Initiative, when she first saw it she couldn't believe that this was the living quarters he had described. But it could be worse. _They could be Locke. _

The house had four rooms with minimal furniture. One had three twin sized beds, the other a small kitchen and bathroom, and the last was a living room with a pull out couch. James was the first to speak after they had a look around. "Well ain't this quaint!" He clapped his hands together loudly, startling a weary-looking Jin. Right away Juliet could see potential for conflict. It was a confined space for four people to live in, only made more unpleasant with Miles's constant complaining, not to mention her companions were all men. To make things worse, there were three beds and four people. Since there wasn't enough room in the house for four, someone would have to sleep on the pullout couch every night. She sighed softly. How enthusiastically Goodspeed had said "namaste"... She could almost pray for a short stay, if that was the kind of thing she believed in.

Miles quickly got to the closest bed and sat on it, making sure he made a lot of noise while doing it. "This one's mine," he then declared, as if the three of them didn't know exactly what he was up to. When Jin made a move to set his stuff down as well, James spoke up again. "Guys, wait..We should make this fair." Juliet blinked and ignored Miles's groan of agitation. _This should be interesting. _"Wait a sec." He looked occupied as he walked out of the room, and she could see he was formulating an idea. Jin sat down anyway when he left, although unlike Miles he was accepting of James's growing authority over the group. Ford was good for figuring things out on the spot, Juliet gave him that much. His experience as an ex con man may have had something to do with it, but she could see he was a thinker by nature. While Miles sat griping about his superiority complex, he was solving a minor solution.

They could hear rustling around for a little while inside the tiny house until finally James returned to the rest of the group with a dingy and (sadly) completely empty Dharma beer bottle and what looked like a pen and three slips of paper. He smirked. "Alrighty troops. Since there's only three beds and four of us, I figured why don't we leave who gets which up to chance instead of fightin' over who gets what? Each day we pick out of the can for spots, and whoever's last gets the pullout" Jin looked back at Juliet, who was still standing. She nodded and glanced at Miles who appeared to be reluctantly agreeing. Even he couldn't argue with it. Before they even said a word, a pleased James said "good!" in a loud tone that made the blonde jump. _Jesus. _After writing his own name he handed the can and pen to Jin, who then turned around and threw them to Miles. James walked over and took the slip from Miles's still writing hand and dropped it into the can. "Now, we pick." _But why were there only… _

Juliet looked at James, slightly confused. "I still have to write my name." He tossed the beer can once, twice, three times."Guess there ain't enough paper, blondie." _Bullshit. What the fuck? Was he trying to give her one automatically because she was the only woman in the house? You've got to be kidding me. _She started to speak but he stopped her. "You really want the pullout so badly? I'm sure there's paper over in Goodspeed's office. I wouldn't make you walk all the way back out there, but if you want things fair and square…" Jin and Miles stayed quiet while she folded her arms and glared at him, silently fuming. He was still looking at her in that way, like he was slightly teasing her. _Unbelievable. _"Just do it." Juliet walked out of the room and into the kitchen while they decided, and stayed there while Miles loudly convinced himself that James was really cheating him out of the whole thing. She snorted. Well, good. If anyone deserved the pullout couch..

Eventually James, Jin, and Miles all came out of the tiny room. Jin and Miles headed for the front door while James stayed back. Goodspeed had told them to meet him back at the main building (still under construction) after they were done "poking around" and she guessed finally picking the sleeping situation was the cue to go. She went back to looking for something to eat in one of the cabinets while she heard his footsteps coming towards her. _This should be good. _After the day she had, she was in no mood for more of James's bullshit. The blonde slowly stood up, turned around, and faced him. "Look, before you say anything- I'm sorry alright? There really wasn't any more paper left over. I know how that must've looked." Juliet hooked a strand piece of hair behind her ear and looked at him. He seemed sincere enough. That didn't excuse his fucking tone, though. "Fine," she said curtly, turning back around to close the cabinet door. She just wanted to get the hell out of here. "But…" Juliet sighed with exasperation. "What, James? What." He was still holding the can, and she saw him overturn it and take out Miles's slip. He scribbled out his name and wrote his own, then put it back in. "Now...he'll _always _lose." He looked back up at her from his shaggy hair and grinned. When James didn't get the positive response he wanted from his confidant, he turned serious again. "Can't tell me he doesn't deserve it.." God, he was so immature. Although he did have a point. Miles could be a real ass. She tilted her head. "Won't getting the pullout couch every night start to make him… suspicious? And even more irritating?"

James raised his eyebrows at her and nodded. She'd found a fault in his plan, and he was impressed. "Right. Well then we'll just have to replace it every few days with a different name, won't we blondie?" They looked at each other for a second and Juliet couldn't help but chuckle. Even as they talked, Miles was loudly complaining to Jin about how hot the sun was, and needing sunblock ASAP. He threw the can across the room and they walked out of their little house one after the other, James letting her by first.

They made it about 3 weeks before Miles figuring out James's scheme. They would always pretend to go to bed on designated days, and wait until they knew both he and Jin asleep to change the slip...but one night he had to use the bathroom and saw what James and her were up to. "Oh well. Fun while it lasted, right?" James had grinned. Juliet allowed herself a small smile. It was. In some idiotic, completely meaningless way, it was.


End file.
